I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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