we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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