i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
