people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
