I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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