I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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