I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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