Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
