i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
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Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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