if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
