that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
