If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
