What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
