My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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