I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
