He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
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I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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