Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
