Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
