Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
