You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
