How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
