he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Randomize
