I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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