So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
