so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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