why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
