non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize