The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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