Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Do vagina's smell?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
