JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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