i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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