A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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