Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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