Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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