Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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