i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
