Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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