Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
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I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
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should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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