Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
