At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I want a musical about memes.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
