And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
