so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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