Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
