Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
