I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
