i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
