He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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