Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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