I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
