this beer tastes like vomit already
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
