My cat gives me a boner
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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