turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
