With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
