Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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