I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
