youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
