I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
