I wish I could teleport
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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