He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
