i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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