So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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