The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
