I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
