I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
