i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
