maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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