the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
