she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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