oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
