I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
