I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
