i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
