UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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