I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
