Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
