I wannas sexs uuuuu
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i need some magic done to my vagina
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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