The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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