we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
