my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
