Three words: puerto rican gang bang
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
