Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
